• pregnant after miscarriage
    Infertility and Pregnancy Loss,  Insights and Anecdotes

    A Letter to Mother to Be in Front of Me at the Grocery Store

    TW: Pregnancy loss mentioned. Maybe the last time it was the teller at the bank or the waitress at the restaurant you went to for your anniversary dinner, but this time it was the cashier at the grocery store who asked. “Is this your first baby?” I saw it, your hand instinctively falling to smooth your shirt over your belly, the look on your face, the hesitation. Two answers, both right in some ways and wrong in others, neither without consequence. “Uh…. yes.” You didn’t elaborate but you didn’t need to. The cashier didn’t catch it. She rambled on about tiny onesies as she pulled the ones you were buying…

  • homesickness
    Insights and Anecdotes

    Homesick

    I have vivid memories of other people’s homesickness. Remember laying doubled up with my cousin in the bottom bunk while another cousin laid in the top bunk practically weeping. Nothing we could say or do made her start to laugh or stop crying. She was so lonely for her mama and the comfort of her own bed that it tied her belly up in a tangle of knots that refused to loosen until her mother’s car appeared at the end of the long gravel driveway. Another time I eavesdropped as a neighborhood mom fretted to mine about the daily letters her daughter had sent from camp, each begging for someone…

  • Fall In Indiana
    Insights and Anecdotes,  Midwest Living

    A Flash of Fall

    Yesterday was our first little glimpse into the coming fall. Of course we are still nearly a month out from the season’s official start but yesterday was the first truly crisp morning. The first time I turned back in to grab a sweatshirt from the coat rack. Fall in Indiana doesn’t come all at once. It’s gradual, so soft-footed I often don’t realize it’s settled in until I find myself reaching for the clothes that have slowly migrated to the far back of the closet thanks to the hot, damp days July and August bring. It sort of starts with one tree. Color catching and jumping down the road, a…

  • Pacific Ocean
    Infertility and Pregnancy Loss,  Insights and Anecdotes

    Why We Moved

    We spent what was supposed to be our last night in San Diego at the emergency room. I was only two and a half months pregnant and it looked very much like this pregnancy was going to end the way the last two had. With failure and heartache and a lot of questions no one had really been able to give us any answers to. My parents watched Harp and Indy in a now completely empty house, trying their best to entertain them with the toys we’d left unpacked for the first few days in Indiana and the trek across the space between it and California. Four hours later they…

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