• pregnant after miscarriage
    Infertility and Pregnancy Loss

    A Letter to Mother to Be in Front of Me at the Grocery Store

    TW: Pregnancy loss mentioned. Maybe the last time it was the teller at the bank or the waitress at the restaurant you went to for your anniversary dinner, but this time it was the cashier at the grocery store who asked. “Is this your first baby?” I saw it, your hand instinctively falling to smooth your shirt over your belly, the look on your face, the hesitation. Two answers, both right in some ways and wrong in others, neither without consequence. “Uh…. yes.” You didn’t elaborate but you didn’t need to. The cashier didn’t catch it. She rambled on about tiny onesies as she pulled the ones you were buying…

  • Rainbow Baby's First Birthday
    Infertility and Pregnancy Loss,  Milestones

    Hank is One

    Oh Hank,My sweet baby boy. When you were born, I let out a breath I’d been holding in tight for over a year. I hadn’t even noticed until it came out in one big whoosh as the doctor called “it’s a boy!” from behind the drape. I was so sure, I would never meet you. Never sit, blinking away my exhaustion, and trace your delicate features in the muted glow of a 3am night light. I spent most of my pregnancy mourning all the things I’d never watch you do and then like a miracle, you were here, on the outside with a little cry. Seven pounds, nine ounces. Perfect…

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